Apple announces iConsumer

Apple announces iConsumer

January 15, 2008  San Francisco, California

During his keynote address at The MacWorld Expo today, Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced the company’s latest innovation, the iConsumer. This freestanding device is roughly the size of a classic iPod and will be capable of performing all the functions of a human media consumer. Its breathtaking innovative features include its ability to download and view a variety of media formats from videos, TV shows, feature films, music, pictures, and web content. “This is a fully functional media consumer that is so efficient it will completely eliminate the need for people to actual download and enjoy media,” proclaimed Jobs. Apple hopes the iConsumer will free up time for Apple users to pursue other interests including walking, reading, eating, and searching for girlfriends.

With this device capable of obtaining, viewing, and even enjoying media for users, gone are the days of endlessly toiling in front of the personal computer and viewing entertaining materials. Users will be able to design the settings for the iConsumer and indicate preferences for music or videos for it to enjoy. The iConsumer will then automatically download the indicated media and also obtain similar media content to the Mac computer. Viewing of the media would commence immediately, and a log of what’s been consumed sent to the user’s iPhone or iPod. The iConsumer is available in 3 models: iConsumer Shift (8 hour), iConsumer Overtime (14 hour), iConsumer Binge (24 hour).

“We wanted the iConsumer to resemble a mundane human in a stationary state as they consume media. We believe we’ve captured that with this flat, square design,” claims Jobs. Although only the single shape is available initially, the iConsumers will be available in a variety of colors and many personalizing ‘shells’ will be available within months. Apple is marketing the device to females, believing that many will purchase the device to help get their boyfriends away from the computer. Also part of the marketing plan are single males, who apparently need additional time made available through the iConsumer’s features to desperately search for a life.

Long lines are expected at Apple Stores nationwide when the product is released on March 3^rd this year. Apple recommends pre-purchases through the online store, and note that with this device, future Apple innovations will be automatically purchased and the need for pre-purchases or waiting in line eliminated. Industry experts believe this new device will lead to an even larger army of devoted Apple product consumers who will purchase and endorse any Apple product despite its performance or relevance.